matisyahu one day

Matisyahu's "King Without a Crown" is an awesome reggae jam, but I'm guessing he never could have imagined that he'd be talked about in the same sentence as LeBron James as a result.

Regardless, it appears that the musical wonder isn't the one missing a critical accessory.

By 

Ethan Norof

Brad and The Cakes

Brad was extremely hungry, so he left work and went to a local snack bar where

he bought a cake.  When Chen had eaten the cake, he found that he was still

famished, and so he ate a second one.

Even then he was not full up and promptly ate six cakes in succession, but he

hadn't satisfied his hunger.  Not until Brad had eaten the seventh cake did he

feel satisfied.

Then, suddenly, he had a feeling of regret. 'Ah, if I had known this before, I

would have eaten the seventh cake first and that would have been enough and

there would not have been any need to eat those six others.'

After The Honeymoon

After the Honeymoon

justin and selena, a young couple, got married and went happily on their

honeymoon.

When they got back, Elaine immediately 'phoned her mother and her mother

obviously asked, 'How was the honeymoon, dearest?'

'Oh, Ma,' she replied, 'the honeymoon was wonderful. So romantic...'

Then Elaine burst out crying. 'But, Ma, as soon as we returned home Rupert

started using the most ghastly language... saying things I've never heard

before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and

take me home.... Please Ma.'

'Calm down, selena!,' said her mother, 'Tell me, what could be so awful?  What

4-letter words?'

Still sobbing, selena whispered, 'Oh, Ma...words like dust, wash, cook, and

iron.'

shot down

Difficult Landing

The airline had a policy that required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a - 'Thanks for flying abcde airline'.

An airline pilot on this particular flight hammered his plane into the runway really hard.  In light of his bad landing, he had difficulty looking the passengers in the eye, all the time he thought that a passenger would have a smart comment.  However, it seemed that all the passengers were too shell shocked to say anything.

Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane.  She said, 'Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?' Why no Ma'am,'  said the pilot, 'What is it', the little old lady said, 'Did we land or were we shot down?'

ATM machines

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling

customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this

new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing

their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been

developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance

from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back

page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot

provided.!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

Well, today I didn't do it !!!

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His

three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with

empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In

the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room

was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the

counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table,

and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes,

looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious

had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in bed in her

pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day

went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked,
"What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered,
"You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world

did I do today?"

"Yes" was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!!!"

the people's Representatives

At an elementary school is being applied a new subjects, i.e. PMWR

aka the lesson of the Parliament. Then the Teachers get started with

give you a few questions on his students.

Teacher: "Regent and Vice-regent, which is higher and must be respected?"

Pupil: "Regent, Mom!"

Teacher: "the Governor and Deputy Governors, which is higher and should

respected? "

Pupil: "Governor, mom!"

Teacher: "the President and Vice Presien, which is higher and should

respected? "

Pupil: "President, mom!"

Teacher: "the people and the people's Representatives, which is higher and must be respected?"

Pupil: "should the hell people, mom!"

Teacher: "Kok, wear should be?"

Pupil: "because now even inverted mom."

Teacher: "good, continue to sign so that we know as our Representatives how?"

Pupil: "for sure they like the color gray."

Teacher: "very well, continued to let alone?"

Pupil: "Like political conspiracy"

Teacher: "for what?"

Pupil: "interests, mom!"

Teacher: "Exactly once, frequently appear where they are?"

Pupil: "on television, mom!"

Teacher: "for what?"

Pupil: "because of the scandals and cases, mom!"

Teacher: "Ouch, son of his Mother pinter-pinter, continue to characterize the Wakil Rakyat let alone?"

Pupil: "Would often suddenly wealthy, mom!"

Teacher: "Where, how can that be?"

Pupil: "corruption, mom. If it is not possible to grant that does not

clear. "

Pupil: "Of the wanted benefit."

Teacher: "Keep right Representatives often hold a session, how many years?"

Pupil: "every day, mom!"

Teacher: "How come, reason?"

Pupil: "Let me be allowances and commissions meeting."

Teacher: "Usually discussed what?"

Pupil: "no mom, go right ear left ear out."

Teacher: "So the people with the Wakil Rakyat, which is where his boss?"

Pupil: "Yes, of course, mom!"

Teacher: "why should it?"

Pupil: "because of the strange, MOM!"

Teacher: "strange why?"

Pupil: "strange once if the boss is lack of food at home, mom! While his Deputy asik import food. hoard too, mom. "

Teacher: "good, it turns out that before you guys have taught a lot to know about

Representatives of the people Yes. "

Pupil: "yes mom, so it's no secret anymore. The people there have been many who

know, mom. "

Teacher: "there have been many who know why cool relax in Parliament?"

Pupil: "Right, have no sense of shame,,mom"???

Sort Funny Jokes Professors who also served as government officials

In the cafeteria of a University, justin beiber and kris humphries two students being interact:

kris humphries: "I wonder if Professor of political science, teaching always sit, never

want to stand. "

justin beiber: ", kris?? just watch out for. "

kris humphries: "Yes, justin beiber knows what is not."

justin beiber: "perhaps the only, fatigue, or his feet do not stand strong."

kris humphries: "it's not that's why, since he is also an official."

justin beiber: "what to do?!!"

kris humphries: "Yes if he stands, fearing his seat was occupied by other people."

justin beiber: "???"

Earn Graduation quickly

An American soldier who just registered asks Commander in order to pass the exam within 3 days.

Commander says "are you crazy, just joined the American soldiers, and it would have passed in a 3-day? You have to do 

something spectacular to be able to gain the recognition it! "

So the soldier returned a day later in a tank Iraq!

The Commander was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do?"

"Yes, I jumped in a tank, and going towards the border with the people of Iraq.And I saw a tank of Iraq. I'm raising the white 

flag, the tanks that Iraq also put up white flags. I said to the soldiers of Iraq, "do you also want to get a certificate of 

graduation in the three-day? So we exchanged tank! "

Sort Funny Jokes Setting Up News By Country

A military General invited the reporters to give direction to what can be reported and what should not be reported.

"News of succession should not be written, the President does not like. Labor strikes, not written, the later conflict. News 

corruption should not be politicized, the authority of the Government is broken. The monopoly should not be referred to the 

family of the President, it is not ethical. Politics should not be in favor of the people, later fret. The price increase should not 

be made headlines, the people of later angry. "

A young journalist who can't wait then interrupts, "then, General, what can we preached?"

The General replied calmly, "you guys what I preached and say!"

Funny Story Selena Gomez Married With 11 Men

Justin Beiber , a very handsome young man, recently married a beautiful young woman is elegant and sexy 

who had previously divorced ten husbands already.

On the eve of their wedding, said his wife to Justin beiber, the husband of his ... "Please be gentle Yes, because I'm still a 

Virgin."

"What?!?" says justin beiber is confused. "How can I still a Virgin but had been married ten times?!?"

"Well, my first husband was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it will happen."

"The two Husbands work in computer software Services; He was never really sure how should it work, but he said he 

would look into it and get back to me. "

"My husband three comes from the field support; He said everything has been checked and found to be, but he was 

unable to turn on the system. "

"The Fourth Husband of work at telemarketing, even though he knows he's got the order, he did not know when he will be 

able to give it. .."

"The Husband is an engineer, he's five understand basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and 

the new design is better."

"Sixth Husband comes from administration; He thought he knew how to do it but he's not sure if it's part of his job. "

"My husband seven are in marketing, although he has a product, he was never sure how positioning it."

"My husband's eight was a psychiatrist, all he did was talk about it."

"The nine Husband is obstetrician, all he did was look at it."

"The Husband is a collector of stamps, ten of which he ever does is lick ... Oh, did I miss him ...!! "

"But now I've been married, justin beiber my dear, I'm so excited!"

"Gee, fabulous once", says justin beiber, really surprised ... "But why!?"

"Being a businessman close to the Government ... This time I knew that I would get a boodle! "

Sort Funny Jokes The MYTH of Customs figures in China

This is the MYTHICAL habit of figures in China:

Smoking, but do not drink wine, Lin Biau died aged 63 years.

Drinking wine but non smoking, Zhou En Lai died aged 73 years.

Smoking, and drinking wine, Mao Ze Dong died aged 83 years.

Smoking, drinking wine and playing cards, Deng Xiao Pin died aged 94 years.

Smoking, drinking wine, playing cards, have a much younger wife, Zhang Xue Liang died 103 years.

Don't smoke, don't drink wine, NOT like playing cards, not having many wives, Lei Feng died young, aged 23 years!

Sort Funny Jokes Study Visits Of Officials Of A State Appeal

Some time ago some members of the delegation from neighboring countries visited the country to study the appeal and learn to create a Ministry of Marine in Switzerland.

When they speak of it, some officers laugh at it, because you do not have sea.

Delegation of Neighbouring replied, "we want to learn from your country. The proof you have the Legal Department and the Ministry of finance ... "

Justin Beiber Family Gay

A man who happened to be the name of justin beiber entered a bar and said at bartendernya: "Hey dude, give me 7 glasses of Vodka!"

The Bartender responds: "Wow, you're definitely going through a day like in hell today"

justin beiber: "Yes you are right, I just know that my brother is a gay!"

The next day the men "justin beiber" again come to the bar and order a drink the same. When the bartender said there was a problem what else these days, the man replied:

"Aarrggh, I just know if it turns out that my younger brother is also a gay!!"

On the third day of the justin beiber back came up to the bar and back order the 7 glasses of vodka and drink all at once. The Bartender who saw him and said: "O Lord, is there not a members who like the women?"

justin beiber then put the glass and said: "with the view of jazzed Yes there, my wife!!.

[Note: the name and the story is not true]

One Dolar to One Number

A Professor gives final test in its class. He shared the test and

wait until they are finished. When the Bell marks the end of the test that reads,

the exam papers were collected.

The professor saw no 1 sheets of money $ 100, which INCLUDE the

a sheet of paper, & reading: ONE DOLLAR for ONE number.

Next week, the Professor returns examination paper. And students who bribed

It gets a return, $ 70

Funny Story Wireless Mic

Wireless Mic

A participant in the meetings of the Commission was grumpy because her voice sounded dashed when he delivered the opinion. Perhaps because microphonnya is broken. But he felt there was a deliberate stand in his way of speaking.

"This is incorrect. Cook's turn I talked his mic dotted like this. Though I do want to pass a reference of opinions that I pointed out earlier, "he said.

"Calm Down. Please be patient to let his corrected the same mic organizers, "said the Chairman of the hearing.

A Committee that knowing it is nimble directly over to muktamirin and directly change the mic used a muktamirin last with the new mic is better, the mic without wires or wearing wire less. But it turns out that the Commission add meeting participants were angry.

"It's a disposable cable just mic dotted. What else does not use cables, "he said.

the Chairman of session and all members of the Commission on the????

Funny Story My Name is Kim Kardashian

Funny story My Name is Kim Kardashian

One night, the door of the room a pair of husband and wife in the Australian Open by force by the police. and a police brandishing rifles to "kim kardashian". the police got the task to capture a husband and wife are

Police: before I caught you mentioned your name!

Kim Kardshian: UM ... my name is. ....Kim ...Kim Kardashian ...[with the face of fear]

Police: Kim Kardashian? Your name is the same as the name of the artist's adulation me, I am not so catch you!

Then the police approaching Kris Humpries while brandishing a gun, and then police it said: what is your name!

Kris Humphries: my name is Kris Humphries "with the face of fear" .... but everyone ...call me kim kardashian.

All Police:???????

[attention: the story and the name is a manufacture of sheer]

served into guards

As the story, Abunawas served into guards, wherever the King go Abunawas there has always been placed nearby.

King makes The laws of cleanliness of the environment, which in one article reads, Banned defecate on the River except for the King or the King permission, a violation of this chapter is the death penalty.
One day the King invites Abunawas hunting into the forest, by chance, because the King wanted to defecate in the forests then King defecate in river water flowing towards the North.


King defecate in a designated place, Abunawas join defecate as well to the South of the King, so the King noticed any shit other than dirt, the King was angry, and note that Shat is Abunawas.
Abunawas brought to trial, sentenced to death, Abunawas before punishment is implemented, Abunawas was in self-defense, said Abunawas

"King of Majesty, I willingly put to death, but I'll give my reasons why I joined defecate with the King at the time, it is evidence of faith in your Majesty the King, because until the dirt King should I phone with my shit, that's my defense and the reason I am the King ... Please my Law. "


Abunawas who was sentenced to death, spared and instead was given the gift of a House and small boats to place shit abunawas escorting King shit.