Showing posts with label short funny jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label short funny jokes. Show all posts

Friday, June 24, 2011

Anthony Weiner Scandal Photo

Political Anthony Weiner
Rep. Anthony Weiner's admission to tweeting lewd pictures of himself has turned him into a late-night laughingstock. Here's a roundup of the best Weiner jokes:

"It turns out that one of the women Congressman Anthony Weiner was communicating with was a p**n star. When asked how it was possible to get involved with someone in such a sleazy business, the p**n star said, 'I don't know.'" —Conan O'Brien

"Congressman Weiner is in a lot of trouble since he tweeted those pictures. But good news for him, he just found out he'll be allowed to keep his p**n name ... Anthony Weiner." —Conan O'Brien

"Anthony Weiner admitted to sending inappropriate messages to several women via Twitter, text, email, and Facebook. I think the lesson here is that if you're going to send explicit pictures of yourself, send them through MySpace, where no one will notice." —Jimmy Kimmel

"51 percent of New York voters think Congressman Weiner should keep his seat in office. The other 49 percent think that he should disinfect it." —Conan O'Brien

"What?! The congressman had a s*x scandal and had to apologize to Bill Clinton? For what?! Copyright infringement?" —Jon Stewart

"I don't know if laws were broken or not, but Weiner was sending around pictures of him in his underpants and I thought, Well, now, wait a minute, what is the big deal? Don't men and women in Congress get to mail their packages for free?!" —David Letterman

"This is why Twitter exists. Members of Congress can now send you pictures of their p*****s electronically. Remember the old days of Senator Larry Craig when you had to get in your car, drive to the airport, find the airport bathroom, try to figure out which stall he's in, knock on the door...Now they send it right to your house." —Jay Leno

"Democrats don't share our values. An elected official is tweeting dirty photos of himself to strange women who he never meets for S*X? Come on! At least Republican Chris Lee was trying to get some action! Republican politicians are man enough to hit that thing. Ensign, Vitter, even when it's a gay scandal! They're not tweeting love letters. They're tearing up an airport bathroom until somebody calls the cops on them!" —Stephen Colbert

by Daniel Kurtzman

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Parallels with Mineral water


Parallels between breast milk and mineral water?

The same source, from the mountains

Professor thought to the future


Why is a history teacher head bald the back, while the bald head Professor in front?

For history teachers think in the past, being a Professor thought to the future.

Smart man plus smart woman

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

A woman will pay


A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
 

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